Our media is so filled with the notion of life on the large…that life on the small has been reduced to anecdotal illustration of the “bigger picture”. Personal stories are used, shamelessly, to help us understand the global issues. Too bad really, because small stories have their own territorial rights and their own integrity. Shared locally they are less distorted or contorted by the splash of the big screen. And they don’t preach or teach.
Nearly a month ago Cigar Bob tumbled over in church and those around him thought he had dropped something and bent to retrieve it…or that he was offering a private prayer. He was having a heart attack…a bad one…and when they eventually realized it…he was whipped away in an ambulance. After four weeks in the hospital he was moved this week to a “care facility” because he’s paralyzed on one side and has some memory loss. I just don’t think they can take care of him at home yet and it may be that he’ll be away for the summer. I’ll miss him on his porch of course and I’m wishing him well. At the same time I’ve been pondering the fact that having known the man for fifteen years…I don’t really know him at all. It turns out that I’m not alone. I have friends who also live in this neighbourhood even on this street and they know as little as I do about Bob. There are others like my next door neighbour who have known Bob since childhood on this street.
Years ago when a strong wind blew me out of the small town I was raised in…I remember a piece of homey advice given by one of my many aunts. She said “you don’t want to go live in a big city…you won’t even know your next door neighbours!”. I should point out that I grew up fifteen miles from Detroit…walked its streets, licked its windows, got teenage, falling down, drunk on the cheapest wine and then mistakenly imagined, along with equally impaired pals, that half a dozen greasy, silver dollar burgers would be the perfect medication. We didn’t die…but it was close. It never crossed my mind that people needed to know their neighbours. There were times when I didn’t know the people in the next room…many times. In small towns though, knowing one’s neighbours is not only a given…it’s a consuming pursuit. Go into the barber shop or hair dresser’s shop on Saturday…tuck yourself behind a magazine…and prop your ears open with toothpicks. The things you’ll learn will astound you. And the details…oh the details are the gold currency of the stories…They are raised eyebrows and knowing nods and sheer glee. Not simply passing tales these…no…they become part of history, of legends, last and live for generations…polished and embellished. The thought that none of that would be possible in the big city is like the thought of losing half of a vital sense like hearing or sight or touch. Holy smoke! how could you stay balanced?
I’ve been living in cities for more than fifty years now and I almost never think about those small town home truths (and lies). Coming to realize that Bob could easily have died on that church floor a month ago and I wouldn’t have known for weeks…gave me a slap up the back of my head. As I said before I thought I knew all that I needed to know about Bob…that we had reached an accord…that he was important to me. But …also that I took it for granted. This is a small story and one that that I hope to learn from…I may not get to know my neighbours any better…but I’m determined not to take them for granted…and If one goes missing I’ll try to find out why. Meanwhile I’ll be waiting and watching for Cigar Bob.
May 2 2014
Chagal4's Blog 
May 4, 2014 at 2:06 am |
even at our great age ..always lessons to be learned eh? guess that keeps us ‘relevant’?
I know all many of my neighbours here in 27 floors / 184 suites in highest density spot in Van (west end) ..you pretty much have to when living in an apartment building as you have to bond in elevator, lobby, laundry room, common room ..just to awkward not to say at very least ‘hello’ .. I like this! when I had a townhouse with own entrance didn’t know any of my neighbours .. guess one has to look right/left and say ‘what’s up/new?’ to a neighbour make ??
best wishes for old Bob .. just hoping he comes back without the nasty cigars!! xd