O.K., skunks…I am certain that skunks have some valuable purpose in this world or they wouldn’t have been endowed with such a formidable arsenal. What kind of predator would attack a skunk…unless one that can shoot the little buggers from a distance and then leave town for a few days.
A couple of things brought this to mind in the past few weeks…I was jerked awake in the middle of the night with tears in my eyes and my nose in shock…refusing to inhale. I live on the second floor and my brain told me that; first, it was a skunk or maybe a skunk convention…and second, the little bastards can’t climb up to the second floor and open doors….Can they? But I have to tell you that even though it was dark in the middle of the night, I’m pretty damn sure the air was a deadly shade of caustic green…
Then…last week a dentist from the midwest invested (is that the word?) more than fifty thousand dollars to go to Africa and kill a venerable and venerated old lion named Cecil with a bow and arrow.The dentist is being vilified as I write this. I have no particular interest in preserving lions…I think they’re beautiful wild things and they have a real and vital purpose in managing wild life…and unless they’re chewing on the neighbour’s dog or ripping the front tire off my car…I believe they should be left alone. People kill more animals around the world than lions do and I’m inclined to think that there are some living less than a mile from here right now who are ten times more dangerous than lions.
O.K. so…back to the skunks. I know that there are people who see them from a distance and think they’re “so cu-u-u-te”. But really most folks take one sniff and know immediately that it means start booking an escape route in the other direction. I have been familiar with skunks since I was a child. When that smell lit up the night and dogs began to whine and my mother ran around closing the windows and cars stopped dead in the street…when you’re five years old…you think…”maybe it’s a lion!!!” and run to the window to see. That’s when you get the small lecture about black and white striped kitty cats that must be avoided even if it means climbing a tree ( I believe that was the one and only time my mother suggested that I should climb a tree). Skunk. Fortunately they don’t seem to hang around all year…they’re not as numerous as squirrels thankfully, and when they are around…they don’t unload the WEAPON unless provoked…(pity the poor drunk who mistakes the little monster for the family cat). But when they do…birds drop out of trees and paint peels off pick up trucks.
It occurred to me that the dentist and his trusty bow could save a hell of a lot of money and leave venerable old lions alone by hunting a much more dangerous and nasty critter. Skunks. They’re made for each other, this bow hunter and skunks. He could start in our back yard if he wants. The neighbour’s dog would be incredibly grateful…apparently not having heard the little lecture Carlton (the dog) thought it might be a fluffy black and white squirrel. That was the night I woke up with tears in my eyes. And the neighbour found out that a gallon of tomato juice is hard to find at midnight and really…it doesn’t always work.
Nope, this looks like a job for a big game hunter…Of course we could discover that skunks provide a seriously important role in our ecology…I don’t know what that is but I’m sure we’ll find out. And if the skunk gets the bow hunter…we’ll take up a collection for tomato juice.
B.
July, 30, 2015
Chagal4's Blog 
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